I realized recently I hadn’t given more than a general bio on this site. So, I thought it’d be wise to share a brief write up of how I came to know Jesus, effectively moving from BC to AD on a spiritual level.
I was raised with a general belief in and reverence for God, but no one I recall demonstrated “holy” living. This was not just any God, either, but the God of the Bible manifest in the person of Jesus. There were Bibles in my home, but I never saw anyone reading them. They were more like table ornaments. On top of that, I didn’t go to church growing up. In fact, between the ages of 5 to 14, I can probably count on one hand how many times I’d gone to church unless it was a funeral.
While there wasn’t a clear model of Christian living for me growing up, the values and general reverence for God that my mom and grandparents instilled was still helpful. God used it (Prov. 1:7). As I became older (a teenager) and more aware of my wrongdoing and guilt (more on that in a moment), I realized, despite being a relatively “good kid” to most peers and adults, I was not nearly as “good” as advertised.
With hormones raging and being inclined to evil (Jn 3:19), at age 12, I started consuming pornography. To be honest, the desire for the opposite sex in an ungodly manner started years prior to that. Nevertheless, after gradual and repeated exposure to pornography, I became desirous of virtually every woman I saw. Sadly, they became mere sex objects to me, a distant and disappointing view compared to being fellow image bearers (rf. Gen. 1:26).
Now, some would say, “All of this is normal for a teenager.” However, inside, I always had the sense it was wrong, that I was wrong. There was something wrong about the sneaky nature of it. There was something wrong about the guilt and shame I felt after viewing it. I knew God was showing me that it was wrong. At the time, I’d never found porn expressly condemned in the Bible, and I wasn’t even a Christian when I got involved, but God was telling me from the very beginning its destructive ways; my conscience let me know.
Pornography viewing and lust wasn’t my only sin, however. I’d also lied when I felt it would benefit me or to cover up my perverted habit. Though I didn’t know it at the time, I was also rather proud. Additionally, I discovered that I actually had a temper, a temper that was usually kept in check publicly but those closest to me would experience my anger and what I came to discover was a lack of emotional maturity.
It wasn’t until I became born-again that these sins started to change. When I was 14 years old, I played on a church league basketball team through the Salvation Army – Boys and Girls Club. To participate in this league, an individual had to be a regular member of a church (I wasn’t), or he had to at least be one who sat under weekly sermons. To satisfy this sermon requirement, our team, which was not littered with church kids (quite the opposite), listened to a weekly sermon by our coach, who happened to be a pastor and minister of the gospel. While I can’t say everyone was affected by those brief, weekly sermons, I know I was. The fear of God would weigh heavy on me. I started to see my actions as “sin” and not mere mistakes or personal flaws. I also began to see the beauty, mercy, and kindness of God through the person of Jesus, the One who loved me and gave Himself for me (Gal. 2:20).
Over the course of several years (ages 14-18), I would increasingly attend church. In the latter age range, I was going to church multiple times per week regularly. I saw Christ in a new amazing way, and the gospel resonated more than it ever had; it became personal. God’s moral requirements (i.e., His Law) magnified my sin. I realized I was dealing with the God Who saw lust as heart adultery (Mt. 5:28) and hatred like murder (1 Jn. 3:15). That was the “bad news” I needed to see so that the “good news,” the gospel, would be seen in its fullness.
From that time, God the Holy Spirit gave me new desires and a new heart. The church I attended, Harvest One Way, was small, so I couldn’t hide. The size also allowed me to further develop and be discipled by other genuine believers who were living—or striving to live—holy lives. The people showed love, so there was no condemnation and filled with grace. Each time I came, I found myself weeping in sincere repentance and growing gracefully in the Lord. Twenty-some years later, I’m still serving the Lord, still being transformed and sanctified, and still doing kingdom work.