Recently, I was thinking about the importance of good, godly men within the context of family. Whether a husband, father, son, or brother, men play an important role in the family and perhaps none more important than the father (NOTE: I would argue the husband is an equally if not more important role, but the impact of the husband, both positive and negative, is hard to capture in tangible, empirical ways.). This is not to suggest women don’t play an important role, but my focus in this post is men, and it’s not without good reason. Consider the litany of statistics on the impact of absent fathers (see here). More importantly, consider the great responsibility the Bible places on men. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and do so sacrificially (Eph. 5:25-28). Fathers have a responsibility to avoid provoking children to anger (presumably in disciplining them) and to train and instruct children in the ways of God (Eph. 6:4). Proverbs is written from a regal perspective and that of a father to a son. In short, Scripture is clear that men play an vital role in the family, and I contend that without godly men actively present as husbands and fathers—women, children, and the local community suffer.
As I noted the importance of men in families, this post is a call for the promotion of good, godly men. To be clear, godly men are masculine, humble, decisive, protective, measured, disciplined, encouraging, courageous, assertive, tender, responsible, and submitted to the Lord. Nevertheless, in this current climate, I believe it’s perhaps more important to call out poor and more subtle behavior in hopes of achieving Spirit-filled conviction among Christian men. So, rather than focusing on what ought to be done, I’m choosing to focus on common behavior that ought to be avoided to truly serve as godly men.
Simply being male is not and has never been sufficient from a biblical perspective. In fact, the biblical goal has always been that men behave as good and godly men—i.e., their ways are foremost submitted to God and bent according to His will. Some today live as though loosely being “Christian” is sufficient. They’re content with weekly church attendance, an occasional prayer at home, and general public knowledge that they and their family are Christian. Yet, they demonstrate characteristics that are inconsistent with the teachings of Christ.
Husbands and fathers who demonstrate the following commit sin and are potentially failing in their respective duties:
- Ignores or neglects his wife
- Behaves harshly towards his wife
- Neglects regular prayer for himself and his family
- Neglects family devotional time
- Fails to study Scripture for himself
- Fails to teach and disciple his children through the gospel
- Demonstrates selfish tendencies (i.e., doesn’t have an servant’s heart)
- Avoids difficult subjects or conflict related to the wife or children
- Fails to discipline his children or is passive on correcting their behavior
- Creates demanding, unattainable standards
- Belittles his wife and/or children
- Fails to control his emotions (especially anger)
- Fails to actively participate in parenting responsibilities (i.e., sees it as “the wife’s/mother’s job”)
- Fails to pursue and communicate vision for the family
- Lives an undisciplined life whether financially, sexually, or otherwise
Biblical men are needed. Good, godly men are in high demand but in relative low supply. I want to encourage all readers not to stop at being labeled “Christian” but to lean into a comprehensive “death to self,” “I am last” type service towards the family. If you’re guilty of any of the aforementioned husbandly or fatherly pitfalls, I implore you to repent. Not simply a flippant “I’m sorry” but a sincere, Spirit-led turning away from those behaviors and a turning to the Lord in renewed commitment to overcoming these shortfalls. I say this as one who has at times been guilty of some things on that list (regrettably), so my plea for repentance is not without compassion. I write this with love and concern towards my brothers. I write this as a Christian. I write this as a husband and father, one who is striving to live out the biblical standards and avoid the all-too-common failures of men. We need more Christian men to join in this Christ-glorifying “death march” and represent for the kingdom in our homes. Godly men are needed and wanted—will you join in this pursuit?